Comments on: Being Informed vs. Being at Peace — Can We Have it Both Ways?

By: Bodie P

Bodie P — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 23:27:16 +0000

I think you’re onto something–or the doctors are, anyhow. I’ve made a similar decision–I watch the news once or twice a week, and that’s it. I can keep up, and I was finding the continual drama exhausting. I finally decided that I had quite enough drama in my own life to be getting on with. I’m happier, more creative, and more productive now–the worst of it was the sheer futility of it all. There was all this negative energy, and nothing I could do to put the situation right. I am learning to choose my battles more carefully. I write to my congressman (or President Obama) when I have something I need to get off my chest, and then I get back to my life.

By: Forty Watt

Forty Watt — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 23:17:20 +0000

Thank you for a lovely, contemplative and very timely contribution. I am happy you are enjoying Calgary and I am enjoying the idea of Calgary though you.

What you have to say exemplifies the words of someone whose wisdom I find sustaining, Jiddu Krishnamurti:

You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems and suffer and understand, for all that is life.

By: WfAK

WfAK — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:15:06 +0000

I appreciate you taking the time to write on this very important topic. As a frequent community activist in the past, I found that lots of us had all kinds of great ideas about how to improve the world, but if our lives had been a rainforest, they would have been a clearcut. Most of us have a long way to go in knowing how to take care of ourselves and that constructive work in the world begins with a healthy self.

By: SMR

SMR — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 16:40:26 +0000

@womanwithasardinecan –

You are spot on re: the Facebook thing. My main complaint about the Facebook thing, in regard to my teenager, is that it more or less replaces real-life, face-to-face, interaction for her, and it allows her to presume that she “knows” people. There are all sorts of groups that people can join (and the teens are huge on that) that become some rabid partisan sh$t that frankly teens have no business engaging in. When I was her age I was living life for real and no judging people based on whether or not they were Repub or Dem (which at that age is really a function of your parents more than any firmly held set of beliefs of your own). The anti/pro groups are nuts. If you ask your sisters for my email address I will send you a link to my blog and you can read my write-up about Facebook (if you’re interested!).

I hope that you will continue your journey toward peace & coming to terms with your son’s death by fostering relationships with loving, supportive people. And I hope that some day when I visit our eldest at school in Juneau that we will be able to meet face to face!

By: womanwithsardinecan

womanwithsardinecan — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 03:08:47 +0000

SMR,
I don’t understand peoples’ addiction to Facebook any more than I understand their addiction to texting. Social interaction on steroids. I see people with 2000 “friends” posting every little detail of their lives, joining every group, posting every “favorite” they have ever had. I see people arguing and commenting on every little detail of every other person’s life, as if the hours they already spent posting belligerent comments on every online newspaper and blog are not enough. I think it is creepy and dysfunctional. It makes me twitch, which is why I spend very little time on the “main” part of Facebook except to quickly check on a handful of Internet friends I don’t regularly email, and then I retreat to play my silly game on my peaceful farm. I did find myself laughing this morning when my best friend (who lives in another state) popped over to my farm for a chat (we usually email or talk on the phone but we are also farm neighbors with a chat function). There we were standing in my fantasy field, cows mooing in the background, while we discussed the water supplies in our respective communities. I found it surreal in a giggly sort of way.
Anyway, it seems to me that many people have replaced normal interaction with frantic addictive texting, tweeting, and posting. I get the feeling they are afraid to be alone in their own heads or to have a simple one-on-one conversation over coffee without other input. That’s really sad and not very healthy in my opinion. And I think it adds to their stress load. I think there was some study recently about teenagers and texting and how it was raising their stress levels way up. Like teenagers don’t have enough stress in their lives.
Since my son’s death, I have found that my ability to interact is greatly reduced, and I have to keep my interactions in the realm of real friends and calm people. I still spend time at Mudflats and some of the other Alaskan sites, because they tend to be calm and civil, but I am mostly reduced to reading, and sometimes I can’t even handle that if people get too excited.

By: paula

paula — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 02:47:54 +0000

wwsc said: “It involves a fantasy farm with crops and cows and flowers and trees. I create my perfect little farm with tidy rows of crops with no bugs.”

Funny, I do that for real. The best therapy ever. Had bugs, but found that sprinkling wild bird seed in the garden (after crops were a decent size) does the trick just fine

I didn’t read the recommended blog, I used to publish a magazine that sat right next to Body, Mind and Soul (except they had more money, so they’re still there, I am not). From my experience, I think it’s all a matter of being able to back away, remove yourself from the stress. Go to yoga, meditate, do a kind deed, write something wonderful, garden, whatever floats you away. Sometimes I just avoid all people for a while -even a few months. Just get stuck in my own head & my own little world.

It’s those who get trapped in all this going on who feel the stress.

Plus, I have found this topic is one I can share w/ my son, a common bond, so it has been good for us. Gives us a laugh.

I hate stress. Laughter is better.

By: SMR

SMR — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 23:23:40 +0000

@womanwithsardinecan –

I am glad to hear that you are finding positive ways to channel your grief and letting the experience guide you towards more positive experiences, open-mindedness & an overall appreciation of the the frailty & tenuousness of life. I was pondering that issue last night — a horrible tragedy occurred here in Calgary a few days ago, and I was thinking “what if it were me…” — made a note to self that today I would A) play more with Charlotte, and B) express more love toward my family. My teenager really challenged me on B, let me tell ya! I am sending you warm wishes & peaceful thoughts — you should touch base w/your sisters to get my perspective on this, as we’ve emailed a bit about it…

@InterestedPerson –

As I commented above, I find Mudflats to be entertaining & informative without pushing my blood pressure up. Sometimes the issues do it, though, no matter the skill of the writer, and it’s 50/50 whether I can be talked up or down via the comment thread… Mudflats was a real life-saver for me during the election days, though, words cannot express that strongly enough. Re: the time of day thing, I read something a short time ago that being online engages certain parts of the brain that make it difficult to get to sleep w/in an hour or two of being online. Top secret info here: our internet connection has “mysteriously” gone down when my husband & I go to bed for the last week… Our teen would be up 24/7 on Facebook if she could get away with it. We are hoping that the internet continues to have these little issues until she goes off to college on the 15th, without her getting suspicious.

Which brings me to the Facebook issue — I just wrote about that on my blog today (no, I’ve not linked it here, not ready for that exposure of my soul quite yet), the title is Facebook Sucks. I’m glad to hear that you are making it work for you womanwithasardinecan, the farm thing sounds soothing for someone into the facebook thing. Facebook is like politics — hard to find a middle ground &/or balance.

One of the things that struck me in the piece that I linked to was the fact that the body does not differentiate in responding to stress. I.e., same response to a real train wreck as to the train wreck that is Palin. I don’t go out of my way to seek out train wrecks, so do not go out of my way to read stuff about Palin/Limbaugh/Haters-in-general train wrecks either…

Re: the nieniedialogues. It’s not that I seek out heartbreak, definately not. I actually did not know what was going on with that site when I started reading it. I’m pretty methodical so I started at the archives and worked my way forward. There is much in that blog that is magnificently inspiring, and it certainly gives you a keen appreciation for the value of each & every day, as well as the love of family. I have almost nothing in common with that person, and religiously & politically we could not be further apart, but the big things trump those issues. I think we can all agree about that.

Finally — I love you all!!!!!!!1 Thanks for the great comments about this issue!

By: womanwithsardinecan

womanwithsardinecan — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 21:46:12 +0000

IP, funny you should mention the morning and pre-bedtime hours online. I have a new online addiction that is silly but SO stress-free. It is Farm Town on Facebook. I mostly do it when I first get up and before I go to bed. It involves a fantasy farm with crops and cows and flowers and trees. I create my perfect little farm with tidy rows of crops with no bugs. It is pretty, tidy, joyful, and rather mindless. Very soothing for me. Much better than cruising the news or reading vicious comments online. Silly? Sure. Soothing? Definitely. I’m all about the soothe these days.

By: InterestedPerson

InterestedPerson — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 20:36:23 +0000

Well, last things first: I did go to NieNie’s site and started in the beginning, but just had to move on…to try to keep prioritizing time online.
Plus, I do not deliberately go to ‘heartbreak’. That is another
grounding principle for me. Plenty arrives without my seeking it.
My computer was ill for a few weeks and as it slowly ground to a halt, I had no choice but to limit the one or two items that would be displayed. Mudflats and
I Heart..were in the top priority.
I know I am addicted to Mudflats, am a Scarahphobe [for good reason] and am only on the fringes of the Mud community but
appreciated it very much.
Re the stressful input, one aspect to consider is WHEN you are on line. The early hours after waking and just before bedtime is often when one is on line, and those are the most
impressionable to electronic stimuli, anxiety, etc. I think for most people those would be hard times to stay off line, but
could be of benefit to cut the stress…and allow for staying on
line during the more balanced, less impressionable mid-day hours. This is from several theoretical points of view…Traditional Oriental Medicine, Ayurveda, neuroscience
[as remembered by me...]
Third, also, too, besides, I am in awe of the articulate, broad
ranged information of the comments on Mudflats and Heart.
I do have the sense that these arise from action and research, that they are primarily the result of activity in the real world.
For the most part.. like fashion and style stuff, people’s
toenail polish …it is fluff or fun or easy enough to skip.
SMR, you can see that I agree this is a good area for exploration.

By: womanwithsardinecan

womanwithsardinecan — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 20:28:29 +0000

SMR, I’ve always appreciated your thoughtful comments on Mudflats and have missed your regular input. But I very much hear what you are saying. Many of us don’t realize we are getting toxic stress overload, like that old saying about put a frog in water and warm up gradually vs drop a frog in boiling water. I had begun to notice that my water was getting a bit warm even before last year’s election craziness. But I still didn’t walk away from some of it. It wasn’t until my son was murdered less than 3 months ago that I blew a complete stress overload gasket. While people grieving are commonly advised to stay away from stress, depressing subjects, sadness, etc., I have taken the opportunity to incorporate that advice into the broader perspective of my life as a whole, not just as a grief survival tactic. I have put my filters on maximum as a life tool, to improve the quality of the rest of my precious and limited lifespan, to make the best of what I have, to water the seeds of joy instead of anger. I can be an informed, engaged person in this world without subjecting myself to hours of negative comments, angry people etc. I can continue to grow without letting hate into my life. The seeds of anger die if they are not watered, and my blood pressure thanks me. My family thanks me. Sure, I still have some trainwreck addiction to the Palin Chronicles and such, but I try to keep it in perspective, laugh instead of yell, and walk away when I see that I am gratuitously gawking without humor and a shrug of the shoulders.
As a former stress junkie, your post resonated with me, and I thank you for expressing what has been on my mind a lot lately.